Girls Aloud Finally Call It Quits

From Twitter:

Dear Alouders, we just want to say from the bottom of our hearts Thank you!! This tour has been an amazing experience and the perfect chance to say thank you for being on this journey with us through a decade. It has far exceeded any of our dreams and we hope we are forever your inspiration and reminder that dreams really do glitter!! Your love and support will stay with us forever but we have now come to the end of our incredible time together . Love you lots. 

 LOL.

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Girls Aloud Premiere "Something New" Video & 'Ten' Hits Collection Tracklist

Ten-legged skank brigade Girls Aloud are back kind of half-assed to celebrate their decade anniversary. They're tossing out an 18-track greatest hits package called Ten on November 26 in the UK, and included are four new songs — including the single "Something New."

Here's the slutty video for that one:

And below is the Ten tracklist. I'd just download "The Loving Kind" and "Call The Shots" if you don't already have them, and skip everything else.

1. Something New
2. The Promise
3. The Loving Kind
4. Untouchable
5. Sexy! No No No…
6. Call The Shots
7. Can’t Speak French
8. Something Kinda Ooooh
9. Biology
10. The Show
11. Love Machine
12. I’ll Stand By You
13. Jump
14. No Good Advice
15. Sound Of The Underground
16. On The Metro
17. Beautiful ‘Cause You Love Me
18. Every Now And Then

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What's This Girls Aloud "Something New" Bullshit?

Who the fuck greenlit this "Party Rock Anthem" knockoff?

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Girls Aloud Are Back To Give Us More Pop That Will Never Be As Good As Spice Girls

Cheryl Cole and those other four strippers who couldn't find work when Girls Aloud took a three-year break are back together to inflict mediocrity upon the gullible pop-hungry once again. And, look at that — not only has it been 10 years since these broads were manufactured on UK program Pop Stars: The Rivals, their brand new Twitter account is threatening something or other called Ten.

This trash would be easily handled by one simple pay-per-view event: five bimbos, 10 legs, one stripper pole — have at it, ladies.

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UK Chart Post: Cheryl Cole's Second Decent Solo Single, "Call My Name", Is Rightfully #1

Apparently Cheryl Cole is all classy and ultra-famous now, and only goes by her first name, as evidenced by her billing on her third #1 single in the UK, "Call My Name." I've been a fan of this Calvin Harris-produced jam since it first sauntered into the pop lexicon back in April, and so I'm not to vexed to see this vocal torturess achieve some success this time around.

"Call My Name" is now Cheryl's third solo chart-topper in her home country, and all three of her #1s to-date have been the lead singles off her solo albums. If you ask me,  it's also this broad's first good single since her debut one, "Fight For This Love."

At any rate, "Call My Name" sold 152,000 copies in the UK over the past week, thus marking the best sales week for a single in the country so far in 2012.

But let's get down to brass tacks here: there's a fucking Precision Tunes karaoke version of Maroon 5's "Payphone" IN THE TOP 10 THIS WEEK (!!), since the real deal has yet to be made digitally available in the UK. That, FYI, is like 14 rungs lower than Glee cover version Hell.

The UK Top 10:

1. "Call My Name" - Cheryl *new* *1 week*
2. "Whistle" - Flo Rida 
3. "Sing" - Gary Barlow feat. The Commonwealth Band
4. "Princess Of China" - Coldplay feat. Rihanna
5. "Feel The Love" - Rudimental feat. John Newman
6. "We Are Young" - fun. feat. Janelle Monae
7. "The Power" - DJ Fresh feat. Dizzee Rascal
8. "Scream" - Usher
9. "Payphone" - Precision Tunes *new*
10. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen

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Cheryl Cole Teams Up With Will.i.am For Dumbstep Track "Craziest Things"

Just when you were thinking, well, surely not everything will.i.am touches turns to shit, along comes Cheryl Cole's new tune "Craziest Things."



On a scale from one to ten, I give it "cockroach-infested snatch."

Au revoir!

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Cheryl Cole Butchers "Need You Now" (With Gary Barlow) At Diamond Jubilee Concert

There's no kind way to put this: Cheryl Cole sounded like a drunk whore passing a watermelon through her vagina while warbling through Lady Antebellum's "Need You Now" with Gary Barlow at the Diamond Jubilee Concert in London tonight.

Poor Gaz held his own on the duet, but Cheryl, who never fails to sound like a sea lion getting fucked by an iceberg when attempting live vocals, should have been put out of her misery by having a cane yank her ass off stage.



Stick to the miming and tit shots, baby.

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Cheryl Cole Grinds On The Concrete Of Los Angeles In Her "Call My Name" Video

Cheryl Cole plays the role of what appears to be a hooker with bad taste in clothing in her "Call My Name" video. (Or maybe this is actually a documentary?) She basically slinks around in a reservoir tunnel in her leopard print thong, showing off her tattooed thighs and ass, then she meets up with a crew of dudes and engages in a smoke and mirrors dance sequence that would make Britney Spears proud.

All that said, I absolutely love this Calvin Harris-produced jam, and I can actually see it opening the door for the American success Cheryl has been craving.



Thankfully there wasn't a rapper tacked onto "Call My Name," though. That would have been really desperate.

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Cheryl Cole's "Call My Name" Vs. Scissor Sisters' "Only The Horses": Which Is The Better Jam?

Cheryl Cole's "Call My Name" is a dance floor addict's wettest dream — it's basically "We Found Love", but if it had been recorded in the '80s by The Jets, produced by Stephen Hague and remixed by Shep Pettibone. Only it was recorded by Cheryl Cole.



Scissor Sisters' "Only The Horses", on the other hand, is thinking person's pop — I think it would have sounded nice on The Killers' Day & Age a few years back. Only it wasn't recorded by The Killers. It was recorded by Scissor Sisters.



Both of these songs were produced by Calvin Harris. And for once, each of these artists have released singles that don't make me want to chainsaw their respective vaginas.

So which is better, pop pickers?

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