US Chart Roundup: Miley Cyrus And Her P***y Have A Video Now For "We Can't Stop"

Hmmm. Mariah Carey and Miguel's "#Beautiful" seems to be stuck in a holding pattern at #15 on the Billboard Hot 100, and it's eerily reminiscent of MC's lead Emancipation Of Mimi single "It's Like That" a million years ago (eight, actually). That one, if you recall, got sidelined at #16. But here's the good news! The song is a Top 10 hit...in Croatia. And South Korea.

Anyway, Avril Lavigne, another frequently hit-strapped ho, is up to #20 with "Here's To Never Growing Up." Good for her, I say. The business has been unkind to poor Avril, what with radio not playing her material from the past few years and circumstances allowing for her to meet and become engaged to the singer from Nickelflop.

Another broad who can use a hit: Miley Cyrus. Her "comeback" single "We Can't Stop" is a tad grating — and this week it plunges from #11 to #27 — but at least there's this naughty music video for it, which prominently features Miley's tongue, ass and p***y bouncing around feverishly:



We'll end with Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding's "I Need Your Love," which has risen to #30. In Croatia, however, it doesn't seem to have charted. So Mariah's got that.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Blurred Lines" - Robin Thicke feat. T.I. & Pharrell *2 weeks*
2. "Get Lucky" - Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams 
3. "Can't Hold Us" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton
4. "Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons
5. "Mirrors" - Justin Timberlake
6. "Cruise" - Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly
7. "Just Give Me A Reason" - Pink feat. Nate Ruess
8. "Come & Get It" - Selena Gomez
9. "The Way" - Ariana Grande feat. Mac Miller
10. "I Love It" - Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX

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US Chart Roundup: Robin Thicke Does The Impossible, Scores A #1 Single

Each time Robin Thicke puts out a new album, I can't help but think, oh, man — nice guy, hot piece of ass, but it's never gonna happen. Case in point: His only Top 40 hit was 2007's "Lost Without U" (which peaked at #14), and his last album didn't even dent the Top 20. I've really just felt Robin's songs were just never really up to scratch.

But in 2013, as Baauer, Macklemore and Daft Punk have shown, anything goes...including Robin Thicke having a worldwide #1 smash hit with "Blurred Lines"! Is it the sample of the Michael Jackson shriek that did it? (Is that MJ or someone recreating the "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough" wooooo?) The newly-rediscovered Midas touch of Pharrell Williams? The funky bassline? The sexy and silly video? My guess would be all of the above.



Everyone wants to have a good time in 2013, and this video delivers on all fronts. (Remember, YouTube streams now factor into chart positions, and this clip has over 45 million views.) Et voila — Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" has hopped up from #6 to #1.

Ironically, this comes at a cost for Justin Timberlake, who many had noted jacked Thicke's style for his 20/20 Experience era; "Mirrors" drops from its peak position of #2 to #4.

Elsewhere, the Hot 100 gets turnt up as Miley Cyrus' "We Can't Stop" debuts at #11, Mariah Carey and Miguel's "#Beautiful" jumps to #15 and Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding's "I Need Your Love" finally cracks the Top 40, by climbing to #38.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Blurred Lines" - Robin Thicke feat. T.I. & Pharrell *1 week*
2. "Can't Hold Us" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray Dalton
3. "Get Lucky" - Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams
4. "Mirrors" - Justin Timberlake
5. "Cruise" - Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly
6. "Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons
7. "Just Give Me A Reason" - Pink feat. Nate Ruess
8. "Come & Get It" - Selena Gomez
9. "The Way" - Ariana Grande feat. Mac Miller
10. "I Love It" - Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX

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US Chart Roundup: Miguel Might Need That "#Beautiful" Money For Legal Fees

Jesus, ascending the Billboard Hot 100 can be a slow-moving process, no? Justin Timberlake's "Mirrors," which was released in February (and stuck at #3 for the past month) finally ekes its way to #2, now that Pink's "Just Give Me A Reason" is taking a tumble. Just behind, at #3, is Daft Punk's "Get Lucky," a song that seems inevitably destined to reach the top, if not become one of those annoying "Song Of The Summer" things.

Anyway, Mariah Carey announced yesterday that her new album (no title yet, the teasing minx) will be out on July 23. Lead single "#Beautiful" is up to #17, and that's a good thing — because her duet partner Miguel is gonna need some cash if that broad he decapitated at the Billboard Music Awards last month does indeed sue him.

Elsewhere, keeping with the "slow crawl up the chart" theme, Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding's "I Need Your Love" moves up to #42. Quite the opposite, however, is Lana Del Rey's"Young And Beautiful," as it rapidly plunges from #33 to #50.

On a finale note, Capital Cities' "Safe And Sound" is up to #74. I'm going out on a limb and saying this might just be the sleeper hit no one expected this summer. You can catch my interview with the electro-pop duo here.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Can't Hold Us" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray *5 weeks*
2. "Mirrors" - Justin Timberlake
3. "Get Lucky" - Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams
4. "Just Give Me A Reason" - Pink feat. Nate Ruess
5. "Cruise" - Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly
6. "Blurred Lines" - Robin Thicke feat. T.I. & Pharrell Williams
7. "Come & Get It" - Selena Gomez
8. "Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons
9. "I Love It" - Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX
10. "Stay" - Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko 

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US Chart Roundup: Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" Becomes Their First Top 10 Hit

Outside of the the sample on Kanye West's "Stronger," this marks the first week where Daft Punk are in the Top 10. "Get Lucky," a song that's already topped several countries' charts, has jumped up to #10 on the Billboard Hot 100. It's a far sexier position than #61, which is where both "Around The World" and "One More Time" (the duo's only other Hot 100 entries to date) peaked.

Yes, it's a week for pop miracles, as even Mariah Carey manages to move into the Top 20 — albeit at #20 — with her Miguel pair-up "#Beautiful." Whistle-shriek that shit to the bank, Mimi.



Another one I wouldn't have predicted: now that The Great Gatsby is a box office hit, Lana Del Rey's "Young And Beautiful" flies up from #59 to #22. Like Daft Punk, Lana is now experiencing her first Top 40 hit, stateside.

On a final note, Capital Cities' "Safe And Sound," a single I've been championing forever, inches up to #90. Below is their latest video for the song. (This one has a nice budget.)



The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Can't Hold Us" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray *3 weeks*
2. "Just Give Me A Reason" - Pink feat. Nate Ruess
3. "Mirrors" - Justin Timberlake 
4. "When I Was Your Man" - Bruno Mars
5. "Stay" - Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko 
6. "Cruise" - Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly
7. "Come & Get It" - Selena Gomez
8. "Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons
9. "I Love It" - Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX
10. "Get Lucky" - Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams

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US Chart Roundup: Avril Lavigne, Mariah Carey & Lana Del Rey Actually Have Hits!

Selena Gomez lands her first Top 10 hit on the Hot 100 with "Come & Get It," which climbs eight positions to #6 this week. That's a legitimate scandal in my book, since "Come & Get It" is vastly inferior to Gomez's superb 2010 single "Naturally," which peaked at #29 but really should have at least made it into the Top 10. I feel like Miley must have spiked the chart that month. The bitch.

Elsewhere, Daft Punk's "Get Lucky" jumps back up to #15, and Mariah Carey and Miguel's "#Beautiful" debuts at #24, giving Mimi her first Top 40 single in four years — the last being "Obsessed," which reached #7 in summer 2009. This comes on the heels of "Triumflop (Get 'Em)" and "Almost Home," both of which flopped harder than a pair of tits at a Pride parade and failed to chart.

Below that, Emeli Sande's "Next To Me" is up to #26 while Avril Lavigne's "Here's To Never Growing Up" catapult's up 30 positions to #30. Meanwhile, "Young And Beautiful" from The Great Gatsby is shaping up to be Lana Del Rey's first legitimate hit in the US. The Rick Nowels-produced track is up to #59, but should find its way into the Top 40 on next week's chart, as the song has been  Top 10 on iTunes since the movie opened last weekend.

Finally, America is drinking her Pepsi Cola pussy.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Can't Hold Us" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Ray *2 weeks*
2. "Just Give Me A Reason" - Pink feat. Nate Ruess
3. "Mirrors" - Justin Timberlake 
4. "When I Was Your Man" - Bruno Mars
5. "Stay" - Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko 
6. "Come & Get It" - Selena Gomez
7. "Thrift Shop" - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat. Wanz
8. "Radioactive" - Imagine Dragons
9. "I Love It" - Icona Pop feat. Charli XCX
10. "Cruise" - Florida Georgia Line feat. Nelly

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It's Mariah Carey & Miguel's "#Beautiful" Video

Mariah Carey arches her back, straddles a hog, rubs her ass, sticks her tits out and flashes her panties in the video for her Miguel duet "#Beautiful." Not much else you need to know here.

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It's Mariah Carey & Miguel's "#Beautiful"

Mariah Carey has been working the phrase "hashtag pow" into her critiques all season long on American Idol, and now we see why: early promo for her new single, a pair-up with Miguel called "#Beautiful." I can't be mad about this song, as it's actually in a different league than Mimi's previous outing, that Oz The Great And Powerful soundtrack single "Almost Home." And don't get me started on "Triumphant (Flop 'Em)."

Anyway, Mariah and Miguel make a nice duo on this bombastic, old-timey mid-tempo number. And even though Miguel gets the first verse, Carey still feels like less of an afterthought than she did on "Triumflop."



What do you think?

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Mariah Carey's "Almost Home" Video Is Great And Powerful, Just Like The Song

So, I went and saw The Great And Powerful Oz yesterday, and I was pretty disappointed that there weren't any scenes with Mariah Carey flashing her topless tits or dry-humping a winged monkey. Still, enjoyable movie, decent song (despite Mimi's Auto Tune) and much better video than that "Triumphant" shit from last year.

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The 10 Worst Singles Of 2012: We Are Never Ever Ever ... Like Ever!

"Jeez. You guys are so mean. Even if you are right, why are you so tasteless?" These were were words posted by some FLOP in the comments on last year's Worst Singles list here on Chart Rigger. And Moogaboo, my partner in all things pop, and yours D'luvvly have asked ourselves this question on several occasions: why are we so tasteless? The answer: we're not the tasteless ones, hooker; we're simply here to help the masses avoid ear-assaulting noise released by shit artistes, whether you like it or not.

This year was no exception, as there was a pile of musical cack accumulated over the past 12 months like no other. The culprits? You'll see them all below, pop fanatics. We're hear to preach it and teach it, and if you don't like it — to quote Legend Of The United States (LOTUS), Xtina — fuck you.

10. Mariah Carey feat. Rick Ross & some other flop, "Triumphant (Get 'Em)"

Moogaboo says: "Dear Mimi: it might be over — like, over-over — and I mean for real this time."
D'luv says: "This song is garbage, but that's a given — so let's get down to brass tacks. Mimi gets an A+ for her bonkers gold dress and oblivious diva posturing in the video. The true disappointment was not having a scene showing Rick Ross sex her over the boxing ring ropes and heaving up the three plates of flapjacks he ate for breakfast in her face before dying of a heart attack. I mean, WHO dropped the ball here?"
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Mariah whistle-shrieked her way to #5 on our Worst Singles Of 2008 list with her aptly-titled flop "Bye Bye."

9. Cher Lloyd, "Want U Back"

D'luv says: "Jessie J is a wretched twat. But given her absence this year, we simply substituted her on this list with Cher Lloyd."
Moogaboo says: "I give it five years before she's guest-starring on East Enders. That's kind of a compliment, though."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Ms. Lloyd easily sailed to #6 on our Worst Singles Of 2011 list with "Swagger Jagger." Brava!

8. Neon Hitch, "Fuck U Betta"

Moogaboo says: "Not for all the free condoms at a NewNowNext Awards after-party, baby."
D'luv says: "Poor Neon Hitch. Songs with 'fuck' in the title are so 2010. Look for her next single to feature such topical gimmicks as a sax solo, some whistling and Sean Paul."

7. Rita Ora, "R.I.P."

D'luv says: "Nope, not much to add here."
Moogaboo says: "The only more appropriate title would have been 'D.O.A.'"

6. Taylor Swift, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together"

D'luv says: "For just once, I'd like to see this broad keep her legs shut and try writing a song. I bet she can't do it. "
Moogaboo says: "This trash becomes slightly more poignant when one realizes, hey, even millionaire twenty-something songstresses can get totally twerked in the nether-regions over 16-year-old high school flops."

5. Madonna feat. Nicki Minaj & some other flop, "Give Me All Your Luvin'"

Moogaboo says: "When she's not destroying her rivals in ritualistic murder-medleys, the Vampyre Madge sometimes feels obligated to create new tunes to hump crucifixes to— but, sorry lady, this dreckitude isn't cutting it. And would someone please take away Martin Solveig's fucking headache-inducing bouncy-synth before he strikes again?"
D'luv says: "I was really, really on board for the Madonna renaissance, and it all looked so promising at the onset of 2012. There was the Golden Globe win. The Super Bowl performance. The funny Graham Norton interview. Alas, wrangling in Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. for this weak lead single off MDNA was a desperate move for Ye Olde Vampyre, and it all rapidly plummeted from there."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Who's that girl? Why, it's Madonna, duckies, and her "4 Minutes" climbed all the way to #6 on our Worst Singles Of 2008 list!

4. Maroon 5, "One More Night"

D'luv says: "Adam Levine surely has to be plagued on a daily basis by the fact that he sold his soul to corporate rock whoredom. And, really, what artist doesn't want to have hits? The anomaly here is that this faux-reggae tripe was #1 for nine weeks, and I can't hum a bar of it to save my life."
Moogaboo says: "Remember when Adam's godawful, mayonnaise-flavored vocals could only make it to #86 on the charts? Those are the days I miss."

3. Karmin, "Brokenhearted"

Moogaboo says: "These kids obviously have a generous uncle in the chart-bothering biz, so I'm just going to ignore them until their payola source dries up and they disappear forever. Fingers crossed."
D'luv says: "All I'm going to point out is this: the weekend these two happened with their SNL performance, Whitney died. Coincidence?"

2. Flo Rida, "Whistle"

D'luv says: "No, Little Johnny, Flo Rida isn't rap-singing about whistling. He's rambling on about a lady putting her mouth on his dick. And you can bet that doing so is almost as disappointing an experience as listening to this track the whole way through."
Moogaboo says: "I love that it took six writers to come up with the least subtle metaphor for cocksucking since, oh, Flo Rida's 'Right Round'."

1. Nicki Minaj, "Pound The Alarm"

Moogaboo says: "On her best day, Nicki Minaj might be mistaken for a reject from RuPaul's Drag Race, but mostly she just seems like a waste of lash glue. This overproduced anthem adds an annoying dose of RedOne to Nicki's usual try-hard mix, which I find simply unforgivable.
D'luv says: "The American dream is open to many interpretations, but here's mine: gluing a pink wig onto a grand piano, then dropping it on Nicki Minaj."

ALSO SEE:
* The Worst Singles Of 2011
* The Worst Singles Of 2010
* The Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Worst Singles Of 2008
* The Worst Singles Of 2007
* The Worst Singles Of 2006

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Mariah Carey's Obama Tribute Jam "Bring It On Home"

"Bring It On Home," a song Mariah Carey penned for President Barack Obama's re-election campaign is doing the rounds now that Obama — thank fucking Christ — has won a second term.

Not a bad jam, Mimi. But, damn — sounds like you ran out of steam while writing the latter half of the lyrics. Maybe take out the Veuve Clicquot IV next time you put pen to paper.

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Mariah Carey's "Triumphant (Get 'Em)" Video Is A Golden Hooker's Delight

Mariah Carey's newish single "Triumphant (Get 'Em)" failed to become an Olympic-sized anthem this summer (currently, on iTunes, it's at — oh, it's not even on the chart). But Crazy Mimi is hoping the video will help things out a bit.

In the clip, Meek Mill, who hogs the whole first verse of the song, plays a boxer. Rick Ross is some sketchy pimp boss in the audience, and Mariah is there to arch her boobs and ass in tight clothing throughout the whole black-and-gold-hued video.



When we finally get to Carey's part at the end of the song, she's whistle-shrieking and gyrating around the ropes of the ring and posing like a '40s glamour girl.

Stay triumphant, hooker. But ditch the rappers next time.

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Mariah Carey's "Triumphant (Get 'Em)" Single: Listen

Mariah Carey is bucking the trend of semi-fallen divas who have turned to reality show judging gigs for a career boost by unleashing her new single well ahead of her stint on American Idol. And that single is the lead offering from her upcoming 14th album LadyBraceletMimiFeatherSparkleTwirl —  or at least that's what I'm calling it.

For the most part, Mariah's part on the inspriation-leaning "Triumphant (Get 'Em)" is a pretty stellar throwback to Philly soul jams of yore. Unfortunately, Mimi doesn't actually rev up her shrieking until nearly three minutes into the song.

So instead we get shit raps from Meek Mill first, then Rick Ross. In other words, Carey is a guest on her own song, reduced to choral duties and one verse at the end of the thing.



At least she does her whistle-register shit as the tune fades out. And this track is still 10 times better than anything off that last album, ShimmerNecklaceBabyHoHoBunny.

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