US Chart Roundup: Carly Rae Jepsen Is Going To Do You In, Justin Bieber

With Gotye and Kimbra's "Somebody That I Used To Know" now tying fun. and Janelle Monae's run at #1 with "We Are Young" — six weeks, the longest of any single in 2012 so far — the rest of the Top 10 is pretty much locked in place.

I say pretty much because one of the only movers is Carly Rae Jepsen, and she has now crept up to #2 with "Call Me Maybe". The song is quite literally a phenomenon (I won't take all the credit), and its track to the top of the Hot 100 is no doubt irreversible at this point. ("Call Me Maybe" is currently just under American Idol winner Phillip Phillips' "Home" on the iTunes download chart.) We'll just act like that woeful Billboard Music Awards performance never happened.

So woe is Justin Bieber, who "signed" Carly Rae for US distribution. (Whatever that means — I'm so sure Bieber sat there in his office, smoking a cigar in his three-piece suit after having drawn up papers and lorded over Jepsen while she scrawled on the dotted line with a trembling wrist.) Yes, America's sweetheart (Justin, not Carly Rae) has yet to chart a single higher than #2, and even that one, "Boyfriend", only stayed there for one week.

Jepsen is now on board to open for Bieber on his upcoming North American tour, but I can see what's happening here. This is going to be one of those cases where the fresh-faced opening act quickly eclipses the big enchilada. A star is born. Bieber's voice has changed. He's old hat. They only want you when you're 17. Carly Rae will thank you, Justin, with a hug then a shove down the stairs. You are a whore, darlin'.

And with that, Carly Rae will walk away from the wrapped tour, not even looking over her shoulder, absently telling Justin to call her maybe. Then she'll have her assistant's assistant change her digits. Meanwhile, her lawyers will have just completed the work on extracting her from her contract with Bieb and his manager.

Or, then again, maybe she'll just be a one-hit wonder who's stripping in Reno within two years.

Don't stop Beliebin'.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Somebody That I Used To Know" - Gotye feat. Kimbra *6 weeks*
2. "Call Me Maybe" - Carly Rae Jepsen
3. "Payphone" - Maroon 5 feat. Wiz Khalifa
4. "We Are Young" - fun. feat. Janelle Monae
5. "Starships" - Nicki Minaj
6. "Wild Ones" - Flo Rida feat. Sia
7. "What Makes You Beautiful" - One Direction
8. "Glad you Came" - The Wanted
9. "Boyfriend" - Justin Bieber
10. "Drive By" - Train